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All material on
yourofficecoach.com is copyrighted to Marie G. McIntyre. All rights
reserved.
May be reproduced
with copyright and attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com.
WHAT IS “TRUST”?
What do we mean by
“trust” at work? Think about a specific colleague, past or present,
that you completely trust. Now try to figure out why you selected that
person. What does the person do (or not do) that has created such a
trusting relationship? When participants in collaboration workshops are
asked that question, here are some answers they frequently give. A
trusted coworker will . .
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Keep information
confidential.
-
Produce the
results you expect.
-
Provide honest
information.
-
Discuss problems
directly
-
Not talk behind
your back.
-
Do their share of
the work.
-
Not steal your
ideas.
-
Include you in
appropriate activities.
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Meet agreed-upon
deadlines.
-
Share information
that you need.
-
Give credit where
it is due.
-
Support you when
there are problems.
-
Demonstrate
competence in their work.
-
Warn you about
potential problems.
-
Meet their
commitments.
-
Help keep you out
of trouble.
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If you want to be
perceived as trustworthy, those are the standards you should strive to
meet. And you have to meet them consistently. But what do you do when
someone else betrays your trust?
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH
BETRAYAL?
When you feel that
someone has violated your trust, the natural reaction is disappointment
and anger. But before you destroy the relationship forever, consider
taking these four steps:
1.
Check your assumptions.
“Betrayal” implies that someone either intentionally did something that
you did not expect or failed to do something that you did expect. But
before you decide to angrily attack or quietly wreak revenge, take a
moment to examine your assumptions. If someone failed to give proper
credit for your work, are you sure it was malicious? Could it have been
an unintentional oversight? If a coworker shared confidential
information, did you clearly state that it was not to be discussed? If
you were not included in your friend’s important project, could it be
that you don’t have the skills that are needed? If your assumptions may
not be valid, then it might not have been an intentional betrayal.
2.
Initiate a dialogue.
If
the relationship is important to you, either personally or
organizationally, then it may well be worth saving. Besides, the other
party may have no idea that you feel betrayed. And you do need to check
out those assumptions. So initiate a conversation in a non-attacking
manner. Starting with a question is often a good approach. For
example, “I was surprised not to be included on the new project
team. Could you tell me how members were selected?” Or “I
thought we agreed that you would have the report to me before the
meeting. What happened?” Or “I expected that salary information
to be kept confidential. How come you shared it with Tom?” Really
listen to the answer you receive, then see if you can reach an
understanding.
3.
Ask for what you want.
To
resolve the current problem, or to keep something similar from happening
in the future, you may need to make your own expectations clear by
asking for what you want. For example, “I would really like to be
part of the next product team. How do you think I can make that happen?”
Or “Next time, I need for you to give me at least two days notice if
the report is going to be late.” Or “In the future, I will try
to be very clear about information that should be kept confidential.
But if you are not sure, please ask me.” Often, this sort of
conversation can resolve the issue with few hard feelings.
4.
Engage in watchful waiting.
Trust
develops over time, so if you feel you have been betrayed, recovery may
take awhile. Wait and see how your colleague handles similar situations
in the future. Hopefully, you will find that the person actually can be
trusted. But if not, then you will have learned a valuable lesson.
Although you still need to have a professional working relationship, you
now know the limits of your ability to trust this person.
Discussing trust issues
can sometimes be tricky. Here are two links on our website that may be
useful if you anticipate a difficult conversation:
§
“Giving
Effective Feedback” at
http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/giving_feedback.htm
§
“Conflict
Management Skills” at
http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/conflict_management_skills.htm
Copyright Marie G.
McIntyre. All rights reserved. May be reproduced with copyright and
attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com .
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