ATC Library Career Issues

Q. I was recently let go from a position that I held for 25 years. I was told that the corporate office would be broken up and the entire company restructured. But three months later, my layoff is the only move that has been made.

My job performance and work ethic were much better than many of my coworkers’. I also had seniority over people who still hold positions with the company. I feel that I have been singled out and would like to present some questions about my layoff to the owner.

Since I have not yet found another job, however, I’m afraid that confronting the owner might damage the reference he would give to prospective employers. Should I forget my questions entirely or at least until I have secured employment elsewhere?

A. Suddenly losing your job after 25 years must be terribly upsetting. But you are smart to control your emotions in the interest of getting a favorable reference. Consider using a two-pronged approach in communicating with your former employer.

First, ask if he will give you a letter of reference to use during job interviews. That will get him to verify “on the record” that you were terminated due to a layoff and not for poor performance. This fact will be critically important to anyone who might hire you.

Then, when you are safely settled in a new position, meet with your former boss to discuss the termination. He still may not give you the straight story, but perhaps you can read between the lines. On the other hand, once you have a new job, you may become less interested in exploring your departure from the previous one.

Q: I can’t seem to find the happy medium between doing too much work and not doing enough. Even though I’ve been teaching for twenty years, I still spend a million hours on my lesson plans and class materials.

New teachers need to put in long hours because they have so much to learn. But experience makes everything easier, so I should be able to work much more quickly. Yet if I don’t spend all my spare time prepping for class, I feel like a slacker.

I’d like to start preparing for retirement by nurturing the creative side of my personality and finding new activities to do. How can I stop devoting so much time to my classwork?

A: You’re being held hostage by your own conscientiousness. Over the years, extreme attention to detail has paid off for you, so now it feels scary to let anything go.

Odds are that all this extra "polishing" no longer adds much value. Does the additional hour of tinkering with an established lesson plan really make it that much better? Probably not.

Over-preparation also may serve an anxiety-reducing function. Constantly revising and reviewing and rehearsing can help you feel more prepared for the unexpected. But after twenty years, how many surprises could there be?

Breaking this habit will require a strong commitment to self-management. When that nagging inner voice tells you to redo another handout, give yourself permission to say no. Then turn your attention to something else.

To broaden your scope, schedule specific times to explore your artsy inclinations. Put these activities on your calendar, view them as a serious obligation, and do not blow them off at the last minute. Otherwise, you’ll just keep revising class materials until the day you retire.

Q: I recently had a disturbing experience when applying for a job. After three phone screenings and one in-person meeting, I was told that I would be invited back for a second interview.

On my way out, I was handed a release form and told to return it within two days. This form authorized the company to check my credit report, criminal background, and driving record. Although I have nothing to hide, this request seemed inappropriate.

I responded by both phone and e-mail, saying that I would return the forms following a formal offer of employment, contingent upon a satisfactory background check. Within a day, I was informed that my application was no longer active. Can the company do this?

A: Although regulated by state and federal laws, the general practice of conducting applicant background checks is both acceptable and common. Employers must have your permission, but if you don’t give permission, they don’t have to hire you.

Used appropriately, these investigations help to identify embezzlers, violent offenders, and other undesirable hires. But more upstanding candidates may feel their privacy is being invaded. Smart interviewers explain the purpose of the process instead of robotically dispensing release forms.

The real lesson from your story, however, is that job applicants have virtually no leverage before an offer is made. Because this company requires background checks, your refusal to return the forms killed your application.

The mildly confrontational tone of your response probably didn’t help. While your reaction was not unreasonable, it could have created the impression that you might be a difficult employee. And the first goal of every interviewer is to screen those out.

Q: If I apply for another position in my company, human resources will automatically notify my director. The policy also says that I must let my boss know if I am invited to interview.

Because I have a management degree and several years of supervisory experience, I am hoping to get a management position. Should I tell my boss that I plan to apply for other jobs?

A: Broadcasting an external job search is politically stupid, but an internal search is a different matter. Your manager needs to hear about it from you, not via the grapevine or an unexpected HR email. "Never surprise your boss” is a basic workplace commandment.

Managers tend to take it personally if they feel employees want to escape them. But having sought advancement themselves, they usually understand the desire to be promoted.

Talk with your boss about your interest in management and remind her of your qualifications. Ask her to suggest strategies for achieving your goal. She may enjoy being a mentor and might put in a good word for you.

If you fear that your manager will not be supportive, ask your human resources specialist for help. I can guarantee that you will not be the first person to raise this issue.

Q: My husband started a new job today. Although he didn't like his last job, he stayed there for three years because it had good insurance benefits and was close to home.

The new job offered more money, but is about twenty miles away. My husband figured the difference in salary would make up for the commute.

Unfortunately, today he learned that higher health insurance costs will wipe out his pay increase. So now he has returned to job hunting.

Some honesty during the interview process could have prevented this problem. Why don't interviewers give applicants complete information about benefits?

A: Sorry to disagree, but I'm afraid your husband must assume responsibility for this oversight. After receiving an offer, he should have taken time to compare his new insurance plan with the old one.

During the screening process, interviewers don’t want to waste time explaining complex benefit plans to each applicant. But they will gladly discuss them in detail with those they hope to hire.

If your hubby is a novice job-seeker, this is just a beginner’s error. But he may be about to make a much bigger mistake.

By hastily resuming his job search, he risks looking like a job-hopper. Such a short tenure will tarnish his resume, especially since his reason for leaving will sound short-sighted.

Instead of planning his departure, your husband should evaluate future career opportunities with his new company. And after three years of hating his last job, he needs to see if he enjoys this one. He may find that he actually made a good decision.

Q: After making a career change, I am six weeks into a new job at a large health care company. I hope to be promoted to a specific position in the next three years.

I know the importance of good attendance, proper dress, meeting deadlines, and so forth. But can you suggest any other smart moves for new employees?

A: Since you have a specific goal, look for opportunities to interact with people who can help you attain it. Get to know them and let them get to know you.

Volunteer for projects that can help you reach your target. Find problems to solve or new ideas to implement. Collaborate with colleagues and avoid becoming defensive or territorial.

Get along with everyone, even those who are difficult or unpleasant. Master the art of working with people you don’t like. Learn how to disagree without being disagreeable.

Be prepared for any encounter with high-level managers. Executives form long-lasting opinions based on brief interactions, so impress them with an intelligent business question or an interesting piece of information.

Learn all you can about your new industry. Join your professional association and attend conferences. Network with your counterparts in other companies. As a side benefit, this will provide an address book full of contacts if you ever decide to change jobs.

Q: I am a single mother raising two toddlers by myself. This is held against me at work, because no one else in my office has this problem. My coworkers are either happily married or divorced with grown children.

Since no family members are available to help, I have to take time off for medical appointments, illnesses, and all the other things that small children require. My boss says that if this continues, he may have to find someone else for my position.

I feel desperate because I love my job. Is there something I can say or do that will make them understand?

A: Juggling childcare needs and work demands is tough. But being an unemployed single mom would be even tougher.

If your boss has started fantasizing about your replacement, then you must act quickly to save your job. This is not the time to complain about unfairness.

First, understand that your manager has nothing against your kids. He just hates the inconvenience created by your absence. And he may be receiving complaints from those who have to cover for you.

Tell your boss that you love your job, do not want to lose it, and will make every effort to minimize absences. Ask how you can lessen the hardship when you must be out.

Then make a concerted effort to save your time off for family emergencies. If you have frequent childcare crises, forget about using vacation days for fun. When you have medical appointments, come right back to work. Don't extend the time with lunch or errands.

To help colleagues feel that you are pulling your weight, offer to work through lunch or take assignments home. And don’t make childcare issues a constant topic of conversation. That will only serve to remind people of the problem.

Increase your job security by doing such outstanding work that you can’t be easily replaced. If you consistently go the extra mile for your manager, he may be more willing to go the extra mile for you.

Finally, acquaint yourself with the provisions of the Family & Medical Leave Act. If health issues ever do jeopardize your job, you may need legal protection.

Q: I suffer from adult attention deficit disorder. After a recent mishap at work, I brought this to my boss’s attention. She said she knew nothing about ADD, but was glad that I told her. Since then, I have noticed that she treats me differently.

My coworkers talk about me behind my back and think that I am just plain dumb. That is so far from the truth. What advice do you have for someone in this situation?

A: Practically speaking, people with hidden disabilities often face an ironic choice. If they conceal their diagnosis, others may not understand the challenges they face. But if they reveal their problem, people may begin to regard them differently.

By telling your boss that your mistakes were caused by a permanent impairment, you have changed her view of your ability to do the job. To alleviate her concerns, explain how you will prevent similar errors in the future.

Before you get too attached to this diagnostic label, however, be sure that you have been properly examined by a qualified professional. The term “adult ADD” is often carelessly applied to anyone with a short attention span.

If you have been officially diagnosed, you may be entitled to legal protections under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Your human resources manager can provide information about required documentation.

To silence your colleagues, let your work speak for itself. If you are consistently careful, thorough, and accurate, their opinions will change. But if you are unable to successfully perform this job, consider finding a position that’s a better match for your skills.

Q: In my department, I have long been considered the “lead supervisor”. I have practically run the department for the past year. Despite this, someone else was recently promoted to the position of department manager.

This decision was made by a manager who is new to our company. He never even gave me an interview or tried to get to know me. I’m finding it difficult to accept the situation and feel a lot of resentment towards both him and the company.

How do I get past this? And when I talk with the big boss, how can I make him realize that I would have been the right person for the job?

A: I wonder how much effort you put into seeking this promotion. Did you talk with the new manager about your interest in the position? Do you know what type of person he was looking for? If not, then you didn’t do your homework.

This particular opportunity is history, so now you need to put it behind you and focus on the future. Identify positions that interest you. Get to know the people who make hiring decisions. Ask for feedback about your leadership style and make any appropriate changes.

Since the “big boss” probably approved this promotion, implying that it was a mistake will insult his judgment. Instead, let him know of your interest in management and ask what you should do to be considered in the future.

People who passively wait to be noticed are often overlooked. You need to take an active approach to managing your career. And if you conclude that advancement is unlikely with your present company, then start exploring the rest of the world.

Q: I was hired as an outside sales representative and absolutely loved driving around to meet with customers. But now I’m stuck in an office all day.

This happened because an older inside salesman made lot of mistakes on orders and got complaints about being rude to customers. The owner of the company even caught him asleep at his desk and wanted him fired.

Instead, our sales manager gave him a company car, a cell phone, and no sales goals. He just has to drop in on customers and say hello and goodbye.

So now I’m trapped in the office making phone calls. I have all of my customers, plus all of his. I wanted to retire with this company, but now I’m miserable. What do I do?

A: Unfortunately, this sounds like another chapter from the book of “Life’s Not Fair”. Because you’re more reliable, your boss gave you the critical work and put the slacker where he will do less harm.

The good news is that management’s confidence in your ability bodes well for your future. Because your predecessor was such a screw-up, you now have a golden opportunity to shine.

The bad news is that you hate the work. So this becomes a question of short-term versus long-term goals. You must decide which is more important: escaping a distasteful job or sacrificing immediate enjoyment for the sake of future success.

Since the length of this assignment may influence your decision, ask your boss when you realistically might expect to return to outside sales. But don’t whine or complain about your current circumstances. Just get the information, then make your choice.

Q. I want to know when it is appropriate to wear jeans to work. My husband, who is a lawyer with a large company, insists that jeans are okay because of the casual attire policy. After some recent management changes, he has become increasingly unhappy and complains about not getting respect. I maintain that, even though it may not be fair, people are judging him on his clothes and not just his work. He disagrees and goes off to the office every day in jeans and a dress shirt. He says "everybody" wears jeans, but I have a hard time believing that he'll ever be respected dressing the way he does.

A. Whether jeans are appropriate depends on both official policy and accepted practice. Attorneys typically dress rather conservatively, but your husband’s company might be an exception. For a definitive answer, just drop by his office and see for yourself what others are wearing.

Another possibility is that your husband feels somewhat rebellious towards the new management and is using his apparel to convey that message. If that’s the case, he needs to either resolve his differences or prepare for a job search. Expressing defiance through denim is not likely to improve his situation.

One thing is certain, however. If you continually nag your hubby about his choice of clothing, he’s going to resent you. After all, you’re his wife, not his mother. Ongoing criticism does not lead to marital bliss.

Instead of monitoring his attire, try to help your husband examine his feelings about this job. You can’t control what he wears, but you can be a supportive spouse and encourage him to consider his career options.

Q. I can’t seem to get promoted, even though I am well-qualified. My performance evaluations are very good, and I have received numerous awards. Since coming to work here twenty years ago, I have completed both a Masters degree and a second Bachelor’s degree.

Promotional opportunities are posted so that anyone can apply, but the “winning” applicant always seems to have been selected in advance. Obviously, politics plays a great part in these selections, and I am not a political person. I do interact with people, but I just don’t do it with an agenda in mind.

I have spent too many years here to bail out now, but I am at the top of my pay scale and feel trapped. It’s hard to stay motivated when you can’t get ahead. Any suggestions?

A: If you’ve been passively waiting for the higher-ups to notice your outstanding qualifications, then that strategy obviously isn’t working. People who quietly hope to be discovered often wait a long, long time.

To increase your chances of moving up, start thinking strategically about how to get considered. Which managers will be selecting people for the jobs you want? Do they know who you are? Are they aware of your qualifications and your interest?

If your answer to these questions is “no”, then you need to raise your profile, talk about your goals, and communicate your credentials. You say that you don’t interact “with an agenda in mind”, but that’s exactly what you must do to get promoted.

Although the informal selection process may be unfair, it’s not likely to change anytime soon. A job posting policy can insure that vacancies are advertised, but that doesn’t override human nature. For a manager, hiring a familiar candidate is simply less risky. So the people who control promotions need to know you and feel confident about your abilities.

Q: My coworker accidentally saw a confidential list of all the salaries in our department. He told me that our newest employee, whom I have been training for a year, makes $15,000 more than I do. I've been with this company for 10 years and always thought that I was one of the most valuable employees. But now I have to wonder. How do I deal with what I feel is a betrayal?

A: Instead of nursing hurt feelings, you need to ask for a raise. Employees frequently assume that people in similar jobs make similar salaries, but that’s not always the case. Companies often pay people whatever it takes to get and keep them, which can easily result in pay inequities.

If you’re a modest and humble sort who feels uncomfortable asking for money, then you need to become more assertive. Everyone knows that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so it’s time for you to start squeaking.

When approaching your boss, don’t launch into a tirade about unfair pay practices. Instead, present a strong factual case to back up your own request for an increase. Talk about the responsibilities you have, the results you produce, and the value added by your long experience.

You should also be prepared to cite typical salaries for your line of work. Professional associations can be a good source of such data. And some websites provide pay comparisons for many jobs.

If your manager still needs convincing, you might bring up the newcomer’s pay. But keep in mind that you haven’t actually seen the data yourself. Marie McIntyre

Q: My 16-year-old daughter took a job at a large retail store. After four weeks, she still had not been paid. When I talked to the manager, he went off on me, saying he was not trying to cheat anyone and that her application had been misplaced when it was sent to the main office. He said this was not my business, because I did not work there. My daughter kept telling me about how she was treated differently than everyone else, so I tried talking to the manager again. When that did no good, I made a report to the home office about him. Today my daughter was fired. What do you think about this situation?

A: As a Mom, I sympathize with your desire to protect your daughter. That maternal instinct is a powerful thing. But when children enter the work world, I believe the appropriate role for a parent is to help them learn how to handle their own problems. This is accomplished by coaching them through situations without intervening directly, even if they want you to.

Reading between the lines, I wonder how diplomatically you handled your conversation with the manager. Did you calmly and politely ask for an explanation of the paycheck delay or did you roar into his office like a mother lion protecting her cub?

I’m certainly not excusing the manager’s behavior. Even if you were inappropriately angry, he should have remained calm and businesslike. But although it was unwise of him to say so, the fact is that you do not work there. Your daughter does. And unlike schools, businesses do not view parents as part of the regular equation. So those who interfere are not viewed kindly.

If the manager threatened your daughter or sexually harassed her, then you would have an absolute obligation to report the issue. But if he is simply an unpleasant person, then you missed an opportunity to help your daughter learn how to deal with bad bosses. And there are a lot of them out there.

As to her termination, your daughter was probably in the probationary period, when employees can be let go with no reason given. I certainly don’t know why they fired her, but it’s quite possible that your behavior contributed to their decision. If her employment was creating a big headache for management, then they may have viewed termination as a quick and easy solution.

Helping a child turn into an adult is not simple. But as your daughter learns about work, I encourage you to think of yourself as her coach, not her protector. Although she is lucky to have such a loving, supportive Mom, she also needs a Mom who will let go of her hand and help her learn to walk independently in the world. Marie McIntyre

Regretting the Decision to Quit

Q: For the past six years, I have worked for a company that handles billing and administrative work for medical offices. I recently quit because the manager seemed to be going off the deep end. He became downright abusive and started to engage in some unethical practices. I fled to a job in a totally unrelated field for a fraction of the pay and no benefits. Even though the work is interesting, I'm afraid I may have made the wrong choice. Now I’m not sure what to do.

A: Escaping from an abusive, unethical boss was a smart move. Life’s too short to put up with that. And if the “unethical practices” involved billing, you could have even gotten into legal trouble. The daily pain of that situation may be receding from your memory now, but it must have been pretty bad. So you just took the quickest path out.

Now that the initial sense of relief has worn off, however, you seem to be realizing that your new job presents a whole different set of problems. There's no point reevaluating your decision to leave, though, because that’s in the past. You need to be sure that you keep looking forward, not backward.

Think of this as a two-step process: (1) first you had to get away from the nightmare boss; (2) now you have to find the best new job possible. Your current position is simply a transitional step. Since you got this job pretty quickly, you must have good job-seeking skills, so I'm sure you can do it again.

To find that great new position, you first need to define your ideal work situation. To do this, you should make two lists. First, list your "must-have” requirements – level of pay, benefits, regular work hours, or whatever. Don’t even consider any job that fails to meet these minimum standards. Then list your "nice-to-have" factors - type of work, type of colleague relationships, location, etc. Once you have defined the ideal, then go looking for it. You'll never match it completely, but see how close you can come.

And by the way, congratulations on staying in your old job until you found another one. Getting a new job is much easier when you are currently employed! Best of luck - Marie McIntyre

Challenges with Autism

Q: I have been diagnosed as a very high functioning autistic. People with autism are "wired differently", which brings both gifts and deficits. Gifts include an ability to focus, see innovative solutions, and think quickly. Co-workers get annoyed with me because I can also easily predict future problems. Deficits are in the area of social interaction. My last manager said I was extremely creative, but a political disaster. I would very much appreciate any suggestions for dealing with this.

A: Unfortunately, we tend to label people as either "normal" or “abnormal”, but most human characteristics occur on a continuum. With autistic traits, the continuum can run from those who are extremely introverted and analytical to full-blown autism. Shadow Syndromes by John Ratey, M.D, is a good resource on mild autism and the challenges it presents.

Even among people without a diagnosis, the ability to pick up nuances of social interaction varies a great deal. I have worked with many engineers, software designers, and other technical folks who just don’t “get” people and have difficulty managing the social and political aspects of work.

If your condition is not too severe, one strategy is to view interpersonal interaction as a technical problem to be solved. Use your highly developed analytical skills to figure out the "operating system" for people and the "formulas" that apply in interpersonal situations. Many reactions are fairly predictable - for example, if you criticize someone, they are likely to get angry or defensive.

Some action steps: Look for useful books and seminars. Emulate the behaviors of people who are interpersonally successful. Ask a trusted colleague to help you develop more effective interpersonal strategies. Try some new approaches to see what works. And here’s one specific suggestion: You say that your predictive abilities annoy people, so if no one else seems able to grasp the problem that you see so clearly, let it go and stop talking about it. Just as you have difficulty grasping interpersonal issues, others may not be able to see future problems. You need to accept this.

Fortunately, you only have to become good enough at communication to avoid being viewed as disruptive or difficult to manage. If you are very talented technically, people will make allowances for other shortcomings. Best of luck – Marie McIntyre

No Longer a Babe

Q. I am 60 years old and have worked at my company for more than 20 years. Whenever I apply for a new position, I seem to be passed over. Is it my age? Do I lack the “babe-ness” of younger women? I think it’s just that I’m plain older looking. What do you think?

A. If new hires at your company tend to resemble centerfold material, then maybe “babe-ness” is a factor. But given your age and length of service, another possibility is that managers expect you to retire in the next few years. In that case, giving you a new position would just mean filling the job again in the near future. They can't say this without risking an age discrimination charge, however.

Before jumping to that conclusion, though, consider a few questions. Do you have a good performance record? Are you well qualified for the positions you want? Have you kept up with technological changes? Do you get along well with managers and co-workers? Any negative answers may provide a clue to the problem.

To clarify the situation, you need to have an honest conversation with someone in management. If you have a good HR department, that’s the logical place to start. But if not, talk with a manager that you know and trust. Plan to cover these topics: (1) your work goals, (2) positions you are both qualified for and interested in, (3) how long you plan to continue working, (4) how your years of experience can add value. Unfortunately, age is often mistakenly viewed as a liability instead of an asset at work. But in fact, employees with long service have a wealth of knowledge and a network of valuable relationships.

Ask the manager to suggest specific action steps that might help you reach your goal. If retirement appears to be a concern, point out that many young people only stay in a job for a short time, but that you can be counted on to be there for the next five (or whatever) years. And when the time comes, you will definitely be available to train your replacement.

Hopefully this approach will help you make a career move without having to resort to Botox! Best of luck - Marie McIntyre

Q: My manager keeps telling me that I’m too negative, and I’m afraid that this is going to hold me back from getting a promotion. I really don’t think that I’m negative at all. I like my job and get along well with my co-workers. The only time that I ever have an issue with my boss is when he comes up with an idea that he hasn’t really thought through, and I have to bring some reality to the situation. Then sometimes we get into sort of an argument about what to do. Do you have any suggestions?

A: Some people have a talent for coming up with new ideas, while others have a talent for implementing them. Although these two people should be a natural team, sometimes they get into just the sort of disagreement that you describe with your boss. Implementers, in an attempt to be helpful, will immediately point out the flaws and pitfalls in an idea. The “idea people”, however, may view these comments as criticism.

Here’s a solution that has worked for several of my coaching clients. Even though you may immediately see the potential problems with an idea, don’t let that be the first thing you say. Instead, you can either comment on a positive aspect of the idea or, if you can’t easily find something positive, ask for more information. For example, you might say something like, “That sounds really interesting. Tell me more about how it would work.”

Then, when you want to bring up your concerns, try using a question instead of a statement. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t think that our customers will react very well to that change”, you might say, “How do you think our customers will react?”. Questions are extremely helpful in reducing defensiveness. So think in terms of having a useful discussion with your manager, not an argument. Arguing with your boss is seldom a good strategy. Marie G. McIntyre, Ph.D.