ATC Library Office Politics

Q: Although I’ve worked successfully for ten years, I believe my quiet demeanor is holding me back. I’m not shy, but I have trouble finding things to say to people.

Because I seldom speak up in meetings, I’ve been labeled a quiet person. I always give my input when asked, but I seldom contribute to the discussion.

I prefer working alone at my computer, but I know that won’t get me where I want to go. I’ll never be the office party guy, but I need some suggestions on how to interact in social situations and meetings.

A: While working on your social skills, be sure to recognize the strengths of your natural temperament. Quiet people are appreciated for their calming presence and willingness to listen.

Social events and meetings probably pose different challenges. In casual settings, you may not be sure what to say. In meetings, you undoubtedly have much to contribute, but something is holding you back.

Socially, the best conversation-starter is a question that shows interest in the other person. But be specific. If you ask, “how are things at work?”, the likely answer is “fine”. Then you’re back where you started.

Questions like “what’s the biggest challenge on the software project?” or “how have you been affected by the budget cuts?” will produce a more detailed response.

To move past work topics, inquire about family, pets, vacations, or current events. Avoid potentially offensive subjects like religion and politics. Once a conversation is underway, be sure to share your own views or experiences. Questions are useful, but too many can resemble an interrogation.

In meetings, you may fear sounding stupid or saying something inappropriate. But instead of over-analyzing your anxiety, just take the plunge and verbalize your thoughts. Otherwise, your knowledge and ideas will go unrecognized. Once you discover that your fears are groundless, speaking up will become more comfortable.

Related information from Your Office Coach:

· Are You an Office Wallflower? from our “Quick Quizzes” section

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How Do I Get My Name Spelled Correctly?

Q: Because of some recent accomplishments, I received a letter of recognition from the vice president of sales in our corporate office. The recognition was extremely motivating, but my last name was spelled wrong on the letter.

When I brought this to my immediate boss’s attention, she said she would forward the letter to the V.P. and have it corrected. That was a month ago, and I’ve heard nothing further about it.

This letter would be great to use in future job interviews, but not if it has the wrong name. Do you think I should bypass my manager, go straight to the V.P., and tell her she messed up and to fix it?

A: Since you were smart enough to get a recognition letter, I assume you're also smart enough to know that reprimanding the V.P. would be politically insane.

However, you are absolutely right to expect a correction. Misspelling the name on a commendation is a stupid, careless mistake. Someone should feel quite embarrassed about this oversight.

Your best bet is to ask the V.P.'s administrative assistant to help you get this fixed. After all, the assistant is probably the one who originally prepared the letter. (Although not necessarily the one who mangled your name.)

When you make this request, explain that the letter meant a great deal to you and that you plan to save it. Just don’t mention that you’re saving it for a future job search.

Related information from Your Office Coach:

· Giving Effective Feedback from our “Career Success” section

How Can I Avoid a Toxic Workplace?

Q: I recently left a very toxic workplace. I never again want to work in such a fearful, backbiting culture. Next time, how do I make sure that I’m entering a healthy work environment? Should I ask to take a tour or interview some coworkers?

A: Although spotting a toxic organization from the outside can be tricky, you’re smart to make the effort. An online search will sometimes provide revealing facts. But for the real scoop, you need to find people who’ve worked there.

Use networking contacts to get names of current or former employees, then give them a call. Actual conversation will provide more information than an email exchange.

For best results, ask open-ended questions. Saying “Is XYZ Corporation a good place to work?” invites a one-syllable answer. To encourage greater disclosure, ask “How would you describe the positive and negative aspects of working for XYZ?”

During interviews, you can pose tactful questions about the work environment. But interpret the answers carefully, because interviewers want to create a positive impression. “Fast-paced” might translate to “overworked”. And “flexible hours” could mean you’ll be there long after sundown.

Once you have a job offer, you can ask to tour the facility or meet the staff. Fearful employees won’t say much, so keep your eyes open for culture clues. If people appear relaxed and cheerful, that's a good sign. But if they seem harried and stressed, proceed with caution.

Related information from Your Office Coach:

§ “How Do You Spot a Toxic Workplace?” from our “Office Politics” section:

http://www.yourofficecoach.com/Topics/toxic_org.htm

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My Kids Keep Me From Getting a Job

Q: I am a mother of three, including a nine-month-old infant. I quit my last job two weeks before my due date when, in a group meeting, my boss exclaimed "your pregnancy is not my problem!"

My dignity was on the line and, being hormonal, I left and never returned. But now I’m afraid my abrupt decision may have been a mistake. For several months, I have been looking for work with no results.

Even though I have eight years experience, I can’t seem to get past the interviews. I feel I should tell interviewers that I have two pre-teens and a baby. But when I mention my children and the reason for my nine-month employment gap, things seem to take a turn for the worse.

Should I continue telling prospective employers the truth? At this point in my life, I have made it my mantra to be as honest as possible with people.

A: Being "as honest as possible with people" sounds well-intentioned, but is often unwise in practice. Providing accurate information is good. Sharing every thought and opinion is not, especially in an interview.

Describing your stormy departure from your last job would be foolish, but that doesn't mean you have to lie. For example: “I was with my previous employer until two weeks before my baby was due, then I decided to stay home for awhile. But I love what I do, and now I’m ready to get back to work.”

That statement is completely accurate and requires no elaboration. Nor do you need to volunteer a description of your growing family. Instead, you should be talking about your skills, abilities, character, and work ethic.

So keep your mantra, but add this corollary: "I will not burden people with more information than they need." Then resolve to give interviewers truthful, work-related answers that present you in a favorable light.

For the future, please remember the hazards of quitting one job before you find another. Walking out in a fit of righteous indignation may feel good, but that temporary satisfaction comes with a high price.

Related information from Your Office Coach:

§ “Do’s & Don’ts for Job Interviews” from our “Job Search Skills” section:

http://www.yourofficecoach.com/Topics/do's_don'ts_interviewing.htm

Am I Too Quiet?

Q: My problem is that no one notices me, even though I do good work. Another lady brags about herself nonstop and puts me down in front of everyone. I never respond because I am very polite and do not want to make a bad impression on the boss.

This lady got a promotion that I wanted because she constantly chit-chats with the boss. But talking to him makes me nervous. What can I do about this?

A: To avoid appearing self-centered, you have gone to the opposite extreme. But if no one knows what you’re doing, promotions will not come your way. So you need to get out of the shadows and start speaking up.

When your manager comes by, be prepared with appropriate questions to ask or interesting information to share. Then you will be able to start a conversation.

If you are originally from another country, cultural differences may add to your discomfort. The assertiveness of U.S employees might seem inappropriate if your upbringing stressed deference to authority.

To be considered for future promotions, advise your boss or human resources manager of your interest. And be sure to ask about the requirements. Conversational skills may not be the only reason for your chatty coworker’s promotion.

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What Should I Do About An Office Affair?

Q: For the past two years, a secretary in our office has been having an affair with one of the executives. Both of them are married with young children. My problem is not with the affair itself, as these people are adults and can do as they please. However, the secretary has become so distracted by this relationship that her work has suffered considerably. She used to be quite friendly with everyone, but now she only has time to assist her boyfriend. Top management thinks very highly of this woman, so if I speak up I’m afraid I’ll lose my job. Most people know about the affair, but they choose to turn a blind eye to it. I’m not sure how to handle this situation.

A: Does the secretary's romantic distraction create problems with your own work? If so, talk with her about any tasks that are being neglected.

Her affair is completely irrelevant to this discussion. You need to focus on the result of her inattentiveness, not the presumed cause.

For example: "Mary, I’m concerned about the turnaround time on my monthly reports. They seem to be taking longer and longer to complete, so we need to agree on a deadline." If this fails to do the trick, tell your boss about the secretary’s lapses without mentioning her love life.

But if this woman’s infatuation has no effect on your own job performance, stop fretting about her moral and vocational shortcomings. It’s a waste of your time and energy.

Related information from Your Office Coach:

“Dangerous Workplace Romances” from our “Office Politics” section:

http://www.yourofficecoach.com/Topics/romance_at_work.htm

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We Disagree About the "Sunshine Fund"

Q: Our work group plans to start a Sunshine Fund to buy gifts for special occasions, such as birthdays, weddings, and baby showers.

One person wants to post a list on the refrigerator showing the dollar amount each employee has contributed. I think that’s a horrible suggestion.

How can we do this so that people who can’t afford to contribute won’t feel obligated or uncomfortable?

A: Even though your intentions are good, I think you should ditch the whole idea. If you already know that some people can’t afford to participate, then this clearly cannot be a group activity.

Presumably, the Sunshine Fund is designed to enhance team spirit and boost morale. But publicly humiliating those with tight budgets will have the opposite effect, especially if your mean-spirited coworker decides to advertise contributions.

Financially comfortable people often fail to consider that others simply may not have an extra ten or twenty dollars. Besides, buying presents should not be a mandatory condition of employment, even for those who can afford it.

Instead of soliciting payments for obligatory gifts, mark these events with group celebrations. After all, the goal is to recognize a special moment in someone’s life, not just pile on the loot.

For example, everyone might buy funny cards or split the cost of a cake. Those who enjoy baking could bring goodies to share. If some people are especially close to the honored employee, they can give gifts privately, as they would for any friend.

When a collective gift does seem appropriate, everyone should agree on an affordable purchase. Unless this is an unusually greedy group, the sentiment behind the present will be valued more than the cost.

Related information from Your Office Coach:

“Do You Annoy Your Coworkers?” from our “Coworker Relationships” section:

http://www.yourofficecoach.com/Topics/do_you_annoy.htm

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I Think I’m Being Blackballed

Q: I had a disagreement with my supervisor, who took the issue to our manager. When nothing had been resolved after several days, I began to feel that my job was in jeopardy, so I quit.

Since then, I have looked for work constantly, but no one will hire me. I have good references from prior jobs, but I think my most recent employer is blackballing me. What can I do about this?

A: Do you know for a fact that your former employer is trashing your reputation? Or is that just the most comforting explanation for your job search difficulties?

If you have actual evidence of negative comments, the next question is whether they are factually accurate. If the information is false, advise them to stop immediately. You might even have an attorney send a letter.

If their unflattering remarks are truthful, however, then you have no leverage to make demands. Instead, try to reach agreement on how your work history will be described to prospective employers. Having left on bad terms, you may need to grovel a bit to get their cooperation.

But if you have no proof and are simply speculating about the reason for rejections, you may be overlooking the true cause. Blaming others could keep you from revising a poorly written resume or sharpening your interviewing skills. And one final note: I hope you have learned that quitting one job before finding another is a very risky move.

Helpful links related to this topic on Your Office Coach:

“Frequently-asked Job Search Questions” at http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/frequentlyasked_job_search_ques.htm

“Five Key Job-seeking Skills” at http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/five_key_job-seeking_skills.htm

Should I Report An Office Affair?

Q: I am aware of an adulterous affair between a high level manager and a lower-level employee. The manager is married, but he is getting a divorce because of the affair. I want to know if I should report this to top management. One of my coworkers says that what these people do in their personal lives is their own business. But since the affair started at work and seems unethical, I believe that management should know about it. What do you think?

A: Top management needs to hear about business issues, not rumors and gossip. So here’s the key question: is this illicit relationship adversely affecting the company or do you just find it personally offensive?

If this “special” manager/subordinate connection creates workplace problems, then talking with management might be appropriate. But if you go that route, don’t rant and rave about the wickedness of their actions. That will just make you sound like the Morality Police. Instead, specifically describe the business problem that needs to be addressed.

However, if you are more concerned about personal morality than work, then the proper communication is with the lovebirds themselves. They may nor may not appreciate your views, but you have every right to express them. Your third choice, of course, is to keep your opinions to yourself. Marie McIntyre

Helpful links related to this topic on Your Office Coach:

“How to Deal with Childish Adults” at http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/how_to_deal_with_childish_adults.htm

“Dangerous Workplace Romances” at http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/romance_at_work.htm

People Keep Complaining About Me

Q: My manager has received numerous complaints about me. He says people tell him that I am arrogant, rude, and intimidating, which doesn’t make any sense to me. I assume this is coming from two immature people who think they are better than me and try to direct my work. I have also felt the need to make several complaints about them.

I have never worked anywhere where there were so many complaints going back and forth. I am beginning to wonder if I am doing something that encourages this behavior. What do you think? Totally Miserable

A: Sounds like a vicious cycle. They complain about you, then you complain about them, then they complain again. This must be driving your manager nuts.

You’re smart to focus on your own behavior, since that’s the only thing you can control. To assess the validity of these complaints, consider your past. Have you ever gotten this kind of feedback before? If so, you may need to work on your interpersonal skills.

But if you’ve never had similar problems, then you’ve apparently gotten sucked into a childish little game. And the strategy for ending a game is simple: stop playing. To disengage, you must not gossip, make snide remarks, tattle to your boss, or get into power struggles.

Instead, you should smile, be friendly, focus on your work, and spend your time with colleagues who are more mature. In short, act like an adult. You may then feel quietly superior to these silly coworkers.

To avoid arguments about who should direct your work, ask your manager to clarify job roles and responsibilities. And while you’re at it, tell him that you want to stop all this complaining. I guarantee that he’ll appreciate your attitude.

Should you find it difficult to extract yourself from this destructive pastime, however, then you must be enjoying the game, which would raise questions about your own maturity level. Marie McIntyre

Helpful links related to this topic on Your Office Coach:

"Dealing with Enemies and Adversaries" at http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/enemies_&_adversaries
"How to Deal with Childish Adults" at http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/how_to_deal_with_childish_adults.htm

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A New Employee is Taking Over My Job

Q. For more than five years, I have worked as a secretary for my current boss, even changing companies with him. A few months ago, he hired another secretary to help with the workload. The problem is that now she has most of the work. She pretty much shares all my responsibilities except for ordering office supplies. She was hired to help me, but it feels as though she has become my replacement. How do I approach my boss about this without sounding like I’m whining?

A. I wonder whether this is more about facts or feelings. The boss/secretary relationship is usually very close, so you might understandably feel resentful about sharing that role with a new arrival.

Although at work we’re supposed to be all grown-up and mature about these things, people do have feelings, and they don’t usually leave them at home in a drawer when they go to the office. Congratulations to you, though, for not wanting to whine or complain. Even when feelings are perfectly natural, politically intelligent people know when to keep them to themselves.

You feel that you are being replaced, but the key question is whether that is actually the case. In fact, your boss might view this as a benefit to you, since your workload has lessened. If you have any evidence that the newcomer is more qualified, that might be a factual reason to worry. Otherwise, your long tenure with the boss should give you an edge.

The best approach is to discuss it with your boss in a constructive way. To avoid looking like a whiner, focus on your work, not your feelings. For example, you might say “I think the way we’ve divided up the work may be overloading Mary, because I have extra time and she’s really busy. But I have an idea about how to equal things out.” Then propose a different distribution of work.

Another possibility: “It’s been great to have Mary share the workload, so I wondered if I might take on some additional responsibilities now that I have more time.” Then ask for some expansion of your role.

Despite your feelings, do try to develop the best relationship possible with your new colleague. If the two of you become rivals, then everybody loses. Marie McIntyre

Helpful links related to this topic on Your Office Coach:

§ “Political Pitfalls for Men & Women” at http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/political_pitfalls.htm

§ “Characteristics of a Successful Administrative Assistant” at http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/admin_asst.htm

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Getting Ahead without Sucking Up

Q: I’m an engineer, and I would like to know how someone can get ahead without working 60+

hours every week and constantly sucking up to executives. This seems to be the norm at my company, and it’s frustrating.

A: Let me give a long answer to your short question. Most of us probably wish that promotions, choice assignments, and other rewards were based solely on the quality of our work. But what usually drives those decisions is management’s perception of the quality of someone’s contribution, which often involves more than just the work they do. The factors that define a high-value contributor vary, depending on the company culture, but may include such things as working well with colleagues, being well-connected in the community, being a mentor to others, and so forth.

Based on your description, executives in your company appear to define high-value contributors as those who (1) are willing to put in long hours and (2) are very responsive to needs and requests of executives. (I’m sure there are other factors, but these appear to be the ones that are causing you concern.) To get ahead in this particular company, you’ll probably need to work more than a forty-hour week. And it appears that you will need to put more energy into developing positive relationships with management. (You might want to check out some of the information on this website under “Dealing with Your Boss”.)

You sound quite frustrated with the “unfairness” of this situation, but fretting about “fairness” will only waste your time and energy, since you cannot single-handedly change your company’s culture. Perhaps your best bet is to find a more compatible workplace. However, if you do want to advance in this company, but are not willing to work long hours or manage executive relationships, then your contributions in other areas need to be so outstanding that they compensate for these perceived “deficiencies” in the eyes of management. Marie G. McIntyre, Ph.D.

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